10 tips to Make Your Megabus Experience Bearable….and Maybe Enjoyable? #what

Okay, so you bought a Midnight/overnight/long-haul bus ticket because you’re broke AF but also you need to get the hell out of town for a minute. Here are some fool-proof insider tips to stay sane while sitting still for hours on end, from someone who Megabusses QUITE regularly…

10. Book Last Minute and At Night: If you’re able to be flexible, book your bus ticket the night before or night of your trip. This doesn’t work for really popular rides (I.E. Midnight bus from NYC-TOR or something) but if it’s a trip that never sells out, ticket fares go way down as departure time gets closer. You can get that elusive $1 Megabus fare, I believe in you. Book the midnight bus so you can sleep during the ride and wake up in your new locale. This ensures you have seomthing to do so you won’t get bored and go crazy and also if you’re a cheap gypsy traveller like me, you save $$ a hostel for the night. I may make another list on how to sleep on the bus and wake up refreshed, but for now I’ll just leave you with this simple motto I live my life by: Nyquil is Bae.

9. Get On The Bus First: Have your life together. Screencap your ticket number on your phone. This has literally bumped me to the front of the line more than a few times, because everyone else is fucking around with paper tickets they printed out at Staples or something. Don’t be a loser. Get on the bus first.

8.   Pick the Right Seat: If you have your life together, you will be the first on the bus. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, but the upper deck (if an option) middle of the bus window seat is gold. The middle is safest in case of an accident, and more importantly, it’s far enough from the bathroom to not smell horribly, but close enough to be within stumbling distance when you’re sleepy. (or drunk. Or both.)

7. Travel Light: Wear layers, don’t bring those “extra” jeans. If you can fit everything you need in a backpack, good on ya. Sometimes you can save money on tickets if you don’t bring luggage and you don’t have to wait in line to stow your stuff.  This is also helpful for international bus trips, you can get to border security first if you’re not wasting your life digging through other people’s gross old Vera Bradley duffel bags trying to get your shit together. Walk straight by, watch people get jealous of the level you’re on.

6. Bring snacks: Love thyself. Fruit, water, baby bottles of wine, whatever, bring it in a plastic bag.  Bring your fix so you don’t get stuck hate eating a Hardee’s breakfast sandwich and questioning your life choices at fucking 4;30 in the morning or something equally as depressing.

5. Check your Charger: As you are getting on the bus, have your phone plugged into the charger in your hand. Immediately upon sitting down, plug that shit in and make sure your charger works. If it doesn’t, this gives you ample time to get up find one that does work before everyone else sits down. There is literally nothing worse than getting stuck in a seat with a screwed charger for a 12 hour drive. Your phone will die. You will die.

4. Please Be Quiet: For the love of Taylor Swift, oh god, please. On my last midnight Megabus there was an adorable woman who didn’t realize midnight buses were a thing and proceeded to ask everyone how often they ride, how much their fare was, what their hopes and fears and future goals were, please shut the fuck up. It is 3am. You will not meet your husband here. This is a good thing. Let me sleep.

3. WISPS: These are such a thing. You can buy them at Target AKA my chosen religion’s version of Mecca. They are mini portable toothbrushes you use sans water. You need these. This is not an option. Oh, also bring Kleenex. Sometimes there’s no toilet paper. Don’t live that life. #unacceptable

2. Keep your documents on you:  Keep your ID, passport, and cash on your person. This is just smart, especially if you are going to sleep. I keep mine in my bra when I’m travelling. This is gross, but I can assure you that nobody is going to steal that shit. I already know I have disgusting habits, I’ve accepted this about myself. I can live with being gross. I can’t live without my passport.

1. Go With the Flow: This is the Megabus. This is not first-class. You know good and well what choices you’ve made. You bought your ticket for less than $50 (if you didn’t, you’re doing it wrong) There are going to be delays. Your bus is probably going to pull over and hang out on the side of the road in the middle of fucking nowhere Ohio for an hour or something. There’s going to be a screaming child. It’s going to be cold. There’s going to be a blue light above your seat that you will never figure out how to turn off. The bathroom is going to smell. Your driver might hit on you. Don’t lose your mind. You will get to your destination and live the life of your dreams, so sit back and relax.