Scary Isn’t The Same As Dangerous

Anyone who has known me for a long time knows I used to be afraid of flying. It was something that terrified me when I was younger. I remember winning a trip to Spain when I was 10 from Radio Disney and when they called me to tell me I won, my first question was “How long is that flight?” I was 10!

As I got older, my fear got larger until I really just couldn’t fly anywhere. I would have panic attacks on planes that were absolutely debilitating, I wouldn’t be able to breathe. Just thinking about being in the air made me uneasy. I realized this fear was misplaced, I realized air travel is the safest thing in the world, but I’d be paralyzed for an entire flight.  I once took a bus from Tampa, Florida back to university in Oklahoma because I couldn’t get on a plane! That’s 3 days of driving!

When I was in University, I had free counseling services available and I went to cognitive behavioral therapy once a week to try to change my mindset and my path of thinking, because NOT being able to travel was unacceptable for my chosen career. To be honest, nothing worked. I’m southern, I’m stubborn as hell, I just kind of gave up trying.

After I graduated University, I just accepted that I would never be able to fly. I started turning down job offers that would take me to other countries and my career really suffered, as did my personal happiness and well-being.

When I moved to NYC, I had my first full-time professional vocalist job offer in one week. I accepted a lead vocalist position for Carnival Cruise lines, and that meant flying. Flying ALL OVER the world. I got through a few short flights ( I couldn’t take anything over 2 hours EVER) and just dealt with the panic, but it was exhausting and hard to handle emotionally alongside rehearsals and performances. Then, my company asked to send me to Australia with the current band I was leading.

Australia was a bucket list place, somewhere I’d NEVER thought Id EVER go, especially with my fear. The flight was Dallas to Sydney. 17 hours.

I really wanted to go.

I said no, I’m sorry, I can’t. And I moved on.

But I LOVED my band. And I LOVED that job. And I’d always fancied myself as an adventurer and world traveller. I like being fearless. I needed to do this job.

After conversations with my band members, I finally typed a second email up, apologizing and accepting the position if it was still available, it was, I confirmed, and then I panicked. I did a ton of research and planned out how I was going to get through this.

The ONLY thing that I had heard worked for some people that I HADN’T tried yet, was a big commitment and kind of expensive, but I had to do something. So I learned how to fly a plane. I can fly single and double engine planes now! I don’t have a license, because that’s INSANELY expensive, but I can do it! Here’s a picture of me and my instructor:

 

I had such a good time with my teacher too, he was so calming, he knew my reasoning for the lessons was fear-based but he wasn’t gentle about it. He made pretty dark plane crash jokes in the air. (i.e, sucks people died, people die a lot, but what happened to the luggage though, lots of liquor in there) The way he talked about turbulence was a little rough (ha ha) but very realistic and I loved it. I’m a pretty dark-humor kind of gal, so I was automatically at ease.

One thing he said poignantly stuck with me, the first time I was supposed to land the plane without his assistance I said “This is really scary” and he said “Oh yeah. Of course it is. But scary isn’t the same as dangerous”

“Scary isn’t the same as dangerous” has become my mantra for flying and really for a lot of other things since then. It helped me get on the plane to Sydney. And god, I had a wonderful contract. I’m so glad I went. Since then, I’ve visited over 40 countries and I’ve flown to most of them (some by sea though, obviously) and I regularly fly without a problem, but I always think about it. Every single time I’m on a plane and I’m breathing calmly, regularly, just straight chillin, I feel a sense of pride and power in defeating my life-long fear. So far the plan is to be in California, Mexico, Hawaii, Alaska, Greece, Portugal, Spain, Croatia, Dublin, Edinburgh, and more in 2018, so I’ll be in the sky A TON and I couldn’t be happier since I took that leap!

Here’s me at 7am, right after I landed in Sydney, admiring the opera house 

 

 

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The Afterthought: A Song Series! Autumn=)

 

 

 

As promised, another Monday has rolled around, and here is another tune that hasn’t quite made it onto my new EP! I was not planning on releasing this today, but I can’t record any live guitar (too loud in Brooklyn and it’s driving me insane) so I did a little piano demo of a tune I wrote in Athens, Greece. I’ve always dreamed of visiting Greece. One time I even bought a roundtrip ticket, but then my company sent me on a contract and I lost out. This time I HAD to go, and it was everything I dreamed of, and I can’t wait to go back.

I had planned on going from Dublin, to London for an audition (booked it), back to Dublin and around Ireland for a bit, but when I was in Dublin the first time, it just didn’t feel right, and I got VERY ill in London, and I wanted to go somewhere warmer to heal back up. So I forfeited my flight back to Dublintowne and picked up a cheap flight over the Swiss Alps to Greece. It was glorious. I didn’t have any gigs planned but ended up playing two, one in a beautiful rooftop bar overlooking the Acropolis!

The last day I was in Athens, I climbed up Mount Lycabettus. (Λυκαβηττός) The name means “the hill that is walked by wolves.” Mythologically, the mountain is credited as being created by the goddess Athena, who accidentally dropped it on her way to the Acropolis. (me too, gurl) as I climbed, I ended being so incredibly high up that it was almost unreal. No guard rails, nothing to stop me from falling over the side if I wanted to.

Around this time I was getting a little run down, tired of being in a different city every few days, and I was reflecting on my life as a traveller for the few years prior. You can hear some of my frustration in the lyrics “Everywhere I go feels like the same damn place” the song isn’t really speaking to anyone in particular, it’s more addressing my entire history of past relationships.

I like this song a lot, and started playing it on piano more so than guitar just because I think it lends itself better to a more relaxed style. It’s also part of the concept artistic musical I am writing, called “So Lovely” and so it needed to have a more-piano driven feel. (more on that soon) Anyways, that’s the story behind this song!! Hope you enjoy!! More music next monday!

 

 

The Afterthought: Cold To The Touch

 

 

So as promised, this is the first song in my song series entitled “The Afterthought.” These are songs I wrote whilst on the road, inspired by challenges and new experiences I had while traveling. I wrote this particular tune after spending a night somewhere I didn’t belong, somewhere I didn’t feel safe, somewhere with people who didn’t respect me. I kind of got stuck, without a way home and couldn’t log onto internet to call a cab, so I just went to sleep and figured it all out in the morning (safer than walking!)

There’s more of a story here, but I feel the song speaks for itself. One of the roughest spots I got myself into along the way of this adventure was in the company of someone who seemed pretty trustworthy, but I learned I trust too muchhh! Also, never let anyone drive you anywhere you can’t get home from, should you need to leave, even if it’s a friend. When you’re a female solo traveller, its important to always have a way home, not relying on anyone else. #protips

Here’s the lyrics!

"Cold To The Touch"  
ⒸSavannah Jaine Music 
2017 ASCAP

what'd ya tell her about me
whats the story
I need to know
so I can play along
Must've been something good
she chose to stay
was it that I'm crazy
I'll try to keep it that way for ya

Secrets buried in the basement
Things she'll never know
My legs encased in dry cement
but I'm just a stone's throw
was it hard to find a replacement
does she love you just as much
is your heart all full and warm
my body, my body's cold to the touch

she has my eyes I see
a little more innocent
she's not been hurt
thats all on me
what a pity
you chose to play
the only woman
who wouldnt let you get away with those

Chorus

You said "We're all just killing time, 
    we're all just killing time,"
Why couldn't I have mine?

Chorus 

 

 

New Blog Series: Tunes From The Road

James& KatieSo Ive been back in New York City for about two weeks now, back from the adventure and awaiting a new one! I am excited to be headed into the studio in the next few weeks to record 5 new, bangin,’ sassy, catchy-as-hell full-band (including my lovely horns) original songs I’ve chosen to be on my new Studio Ep, entitled “Siren,” but I wanted to start a new series here, showcasing other songs that didn’t make the cut.

I recently have acquired a bit of a home studio set-up, so I will be recording and releasing a song every MONDAY (these songs WILL be available on iTunes and Spotify altogether as a project separate from my EP) These tunes will  just be acoustic, just me and my Martin, the way I wrote them while I was traveling.

One of the major reasons I decided to backpack, gig and busk my way through 14 countries in 4 months was to experience culture, put myself in situations that I wasn’t familiar with, and to gain valuable life experiences to draw upon when writing songs. As an artist, I think of myself first and foremost as a writer and had been in a rut for quite sometime. I’m young, and I felt that my writing sometimes reflected my age and lack of experience, so I wanted to immerse myself in the unknown and gain new perspective.

(I’m Hannah, from Girls, but Id like to think I have my shit a little more together, thanks. but I bet her character thought she was fine too. crap…….)

Unfortunately, as someone who suffers from Bi-polar Depression, a lot of them are quite heavy, as I’ve had a hell of a year fighting the lows of my illness. ALL of these songs specifically are extremely personal to me, which is another reason they won’t be on my new studio EP, I don’t think I could stand playing them as often as I would need to in the promotional phase of a new album. Also, as much as they mean to me, I’m not sure how they’ll come across to you, dear reader. But I am very excited and nervous to share them with you in this new series, nonetheless, and I would LOVE your feedback.

As I said, at the end of this ten weeks, this collection will be available on iTunes and Spotify/Apple Music as well, the project will simply be entitled “The Afterthought”

ANYWAYS SO YES STARTING TOMORROW I’ll be posting one song and the story behind it (somewhat, with respect to individuals involved, if any) The first tune is entitled “Cold To The Touch” and I wrote it in Dublin, Ireland. I just finished mixing it, and its dark, and sad, and morbid, maybe one of my favorite songs I’ve ever written, extremely personal, it sounds a little bit like its about a murder even though its not (OR IS IT!!!!!!!!) and I fucking love everything about it. I hope you do too. PREPARE KITTEN VIDEOS FOR AFTERWARDS, it’s a heavy one. Check back tomorrow!

7 Signs You Travel Too Much

1

I’ve been On The Road almost all year now, and its become my new normal! I’m home in NYC for a little while, and a few things are extremely different….

7. You open your weather app to check how hott it is in NYC and it looks like this….#whereami
20187706_10213793865343219_1979407262_n

6. You put your status on Tinder as “up for drinks tonight” and you get 6 responses right away! COOL! oh, except 2 are from Edinburgh, one from Dublin, one from God knows where, and 2 from London. Looks like you’re out of luck.

 

5. You travel so much for work, you’re not quite sure where you are. When I was in Bermuda last week, someone showed me where we were on a map and I about fell over. Bermuda is geographically not even a little bit close to where I assumed it was. Also it’s British. But they accept USD as their official currency. $1=$1. They sure won’t take your leftover British pounds. WHO KNEW. Nobody, because it doesn’t make sense.

 

4. You cross the road looking both ways because you aren’t quite sure which way cars are driving…better safe than sorry, especially in NYC, but I’m starting to look like a bobble head doll version of myself. The fact that I’ve never been hit by a car whilst crossing the road literally astonishes me.

 

3. You are the luckiest because you always have a place to stay in NYC, but your best friends refer to you as as the gypsy lady i.e “Omg guys, make up the couch! Crazy Aunt Savannah is coming to town, wonder what shenanigans she’s been up to now!”

 

2. You have used a room key from the last hotel you stayed in to try to open your current hotel room door. Better yet, when it didn’t work, you went and complained to the front desk, handed it to them for them to fix it……………and then promptly felt like a moron.
1. You calculated that you haven’t been “home” in almost 8 months….so when your company offered you vacation pay to go home from your contract a month earlier than expected, you jumped…summer in NYC! I’ve found that home is a state of mind, rather than a physical place.

I Did Not Dream

Last night I slept really well                                     
I didn’t wake every two hours
The neighborhood was quiet for once,
Calm as the rain gently soaked

I woke this morning well rested.
With energy I’ve never felt before.
I took on the morning without caffeine.
But something was still missing

And I realized
In the comfort of those restless moments
Drifting between sleep and conscious thought
That’s when I have you
I feel your arms around me.
Your nose on my neck.
Sighing into me simply.
Perfect in your way

And though I am stronger this morning it may seem,
I am not well

I did not dream.

You Would Think We Were Infinite

everyone is walking fast
no one smiles as they pass
don’t you think its a little scary
we get bored so we get married
standing stagnant is the death of your soul
we haven’t been anywhere and we are getting old

we buy new clothes
when the old ones work fine
no one knows when to sing
so they wait for a sign

we think we have all the time
we think we have all the time in the world
oh, how adorable

the years are short
and the days are long
so we count them down
live life all wrong

you would think we were infinite
you would think we were infinite
we think we all have time
we think we all have time
we think we have all the time in the world
oh, how adorable

50 years or so
we get 50 years or so

maybe you should
kiss your girlfriend more
eat a cupcake every now and again
do something nice for yourself
make sure you call your friends

just make good love and don’t worry about
how awkward breakfast will be
if you dont want to be somewhere
why dont you just leave
you are not a tree,
you are not a tree

and rip out pages of books you like
and hang them on the subway platform
with a note that says you’re more beautiful
than a chinese place that delivers in a snowstorm

you are important to me
you’re my oxygen

in your fifty years or so
now and again
stop-op-op-op-op
let someone know they’re your oxygen

someday you wont have time
someday you wont have time
someday you wont have any time in this world

©Savannah Jaine 2017